Post by anticomet on Aug 18, 2015 2:12:40 GMT -5
So I was in the middle of writing this long-ass vent and my computer crashed so now I have to type it up again and I'm even more upset. Wowee.
So, I really like roleplaying on Tumblr. I like being able to use icons to better show how my character is feeling in dialogue-only roleplay, I like being able to be an independent roleplayer and just jump into roleplay rather than finding a group. Writing via roleplay is easier to me than normal writing because it better holds my attention. But right now, I'm avoiding roleplay because of the annoying-ass established cliques in RP communities.
The first community I got involved in was Ever After High. This was a long time ago and the community's different now, but at the time the series had basically just come out, and the RP community was pretty open with RPing OCs. In fact, we got to the point where pretty much everyone was roleplaying an OC rather than a canonical character. I got really attached to this group, and the OC I made through it. We were accused of being cliquey and I vehemently denied it even though in hindsight that criticism was absolutely right. I tried to be inclusive of any newcomers and roleplay with them all, but not everyone in our clique did.
But anyway, as time went on, the people in this group got less and less into the roleplay. Though we were all in this group chat where we'd discuss headcanons, ships, etc. It frustrated me more and more as time went on, because people would roleplay their OTPs, but not any other threads, while also whining about how the group focuses more on romance than friendship in roleplaying. People would share headcanons and ideas and I'd be like, "that sounds great, let's do it" and nothing would come out of it. The only person who I felt was really invested in roleplaying with me was this one girl who had real life stuff going on with her mother passing away and so couldn't roleplay that much, which is perfectly understandable. But everyone sat in the group chat the whole day talking while not roleplaying. There were people outside of the clique who tried to get into roleplaying EAH, but because nobody was roleplaying with them they'd leave.
I tried to express how I was feeling like I was being ignored, that my ideas for ships were being shut down because it's 'unrealistic' for everyone in a high school setting to have a love interest, that it frustrated me my first OC was criticized for being a 'mary sue' (cuz he's a pretty boy with a tragic backstory. Sue me.) and because he didn't fit in with the EAH canon because he was created before certain aspects of the canon were revealed (he's the son of Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Much later into the series the cartoon actually introduced a canon son of Alice) while at the same time whenever I tried to make a different OC, they were ignored in favor of my first OC. But that was ignored too so I eventually made some posts venting how frustrated I felt while in the middle of a panic attack. Naturally I said some stuff that was a bit rude but I was so fed up and also panicking at the time. But instead of acknowledging that they just focused on how I was a bit mean and responded to my freaking out over being ignored by continuing to ignore me, because that makes perfect sense.
Anyway yeah I guess I left that group then, I deleted my blogs and just stopped writing about that OC in general. It sucks after all the time and effort I put into him but I just didn't want to be reminded of what happened again. There's more to it than just what I've said here but I don't wanna talk about it. But basically I do understand being in a clique and defending your friends when people complain about them excluding other people but when I did that I had it thrown in my face so it's not worth it.
I did later get back into roleplaying with a canon character from Ever After High but I stopped that after a while without any drama to go with it. This was with another group of people who weren't cliquey cuz after I started that drama ppl in the clique stopped roleplaying and new people came into the scene.
But anyway later I tried roleplaying in the Ratchet and Clank community. I played Courtney Gears and it was super fun. I didn't really roleplay her for that long though, because I took a long break and came back with an original character, because I wanted to wait until the Ratchet and Clank movie came out before roleplaying Courtney Gears again. I really wish I hadn't come back, because hoooly shittake mushrooms. What happened in this community was so much worse than what happened with Ever After High.
So the Ratchet and Clank RP community had their own bullshit clique. They were mostly playing OCs, but they'd be super critical of newcomers OCs? Like omg, we're independant RPers, if you don't like someone's OC just don't RP with them you don't need to be bitchy about it. But whatever, I was following two of them and they were following me. They didn't wanna RP with me but that's whatever. So I was a bit bored of how empty my blog was and started reblogging some posts that like, my character would reblog if he had a blog I guess. Some of it was NSFW. I made sure to tag it appropriately, like it says in my rules page, so people could block it if they didn't wanna see it.
So I noticed that one of those two girl's blogs wasn't showing up on my dash, even though I could see they were roleplaying with other people I was following? So I went to their blog to see what was going on, right. Turned out they blocked me, without telling me why. I didn't understand at the time that it was because I reblogged some NSFW art that they got triggered by. So I went into a guilt spiral and had a panic attack because I didn't understand what I'd done wrong. It really upset me, okay? So I made some posts on my blog venting about it. And when some people came to my inbox to ask about what was going on, I told them about it.
So the other person I was following comes into my inbox the next day to tell me in this rude way that she blocked me because of the NSFW art. I don't remember exactly how I replied, basically I said that I didn't understand because I'd tagged it, and that she could have just unfollowed me instead of blocking me and making me think I'd done something bad? And then she got mad at me because I'd upset her friend and now I was 'making a big deal out of it' and being 'passive-aggressive'. Like... I'm mentally ill. I have breakdowns and freak out when I think people hate me. It's not being 'passive-aggressive' it's me being sensitive and hurt.
Anyway everyone in that clique then starting making vague posts about me and spreading them around. They even posted stuff in the main #ratchet and clank tag in order to draw attention to the drama? WTF? It was so fucking awful and rude like they couldn't have just moved on and left me alone they had to try and drive me out of my own fandom. I did stay because there were some roleplayers that weren't in their clique that still wanted to RP with me, but I eventually had to leave because I kept seeing these assholes on my dashboard because everyone else kept RPing with them. I don't want to control who my friends are friends with or anything but it just really upset me so I had to leave.
I made another post about them on my personal blog, basically saying that I didn't want to see them on my dash anymore. This was after having some private conversations with other people who agreed with me right? I asked people who were still going to be friends with them and reblog posts from them to unfollow me and send me an ask so I could unfollow them too, no hard feelings. Every one of them aside from one person unfollowed me without telling me like I'd asked them to. Even the people who'd said they agreed with me via ask and that they wished they'd leave the fandom? Cool.
I also got attacked for the post I'd made by one of their friends. And it just really put things into perspective about how they've got all these friends who'll stand by them and defend them even when they do cruel shit and literally tell me to kill myself, while I have nobody. I've got people who say they support me but they're all gone when they have to choose between them or me. Cool.
Yeah so I'm pretty bitter about that. I really want to get back into RPing, but everywhere I look I see more of these cliques? I really love Life is Strange at the moment and would love to RP as Brooke or Nathan, but I heard that on Tumblr there's this awful clique that bullied someone into a suicide attempt and I don't know if that's true but even if it isn't it scares me. Like is it really that hard to find people to write with without bullshit happening...
So, I really like roleplaying on Tumblr. I like being able to use icons to better show how my character is feeling in dialogue-only roleplay, I like being able to be an independent roleplayer and just jump into roleplay rather than finding a group. Writing via roleplay is easier to me than normal writing because it better holds my attention. But right now, I'm avoiding roleplay because of the annoying-ass established cliques in RP communities.
The first community I got involved in was Ever After High. This was a long time ago and the community's different now, but at the time the series had basically just come out, and the RP community was pretty open with RPing OCs. In fact, we got to the point where pretty much everyone was roleplaying an OC rather than a canonical character. I got really attached to this group, and the OC I made through it. We were accused of being cliquey and I vehemently denied it even though in hindsight that criticism was absolutely right. I tried to be inclusive of any newcomers and roleplay with them all, but not everyone in our clique did.
But anyway, as time went on, the people in this group got less and less into the roleplay. Though we were all in this group chat where we'd discuss headcanons, ships, etc. It frustrated me more and more as time went on, because people would roleplay their OTPs, but not any other threads, while also whining about how the group focuses more on romance than friendship in roleplaying. People would share headcanons and ideas and I'd be like, "that sounds great, let's do it" and nothing would come out of it. The only person who I felt was really invested in roleplaying with me was this one girl who had real life stuff going on with her mother passing away and so couldn't roleplay that much, which is perfectly understandable. But everyone sat in the group chat the whole day talking while not roleplaying. There were people outside of the clique who tried to get into roleplaying EAH, but because nobody was roleplaying with them they'd leave.
I tried to express how I was feeling like I was being ignored, that my ideas for ships were being shut down because it's 'unrealistic' for everyone in a high school setting to have a love interest, that it frustrated me my first OC was criticized for being a 'mary sue' (cuz he's a pretty boy with a tragic backstory. Sue me.) and because he didn't fit in with the EAH canon because he was created before certain aspects of the canon were revealed (he's the son of Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Much later into the series the cartoon actually introduced a canon son of Alice) while at the same time whenever I tried to make a different OC, they were ignored in favor of my first OC. But that was ignored too so I eventually made some posts venting how frustrated I felt while in the middle of a panic attack. Naturally I said some stuff that was a bit rude but I was so fed up and also panicking at the time. But instead of acknowledging that they just focused on how I was a bit mean and responded to my freaking out over being ignored by continuing to ignore me, because that makes perfect sense.
Anyway yeah I guess I left that group then, I deleted my blogs and just stopped writing about that OC in general. It sucks after all the time and effort I put into him but I just didn't want to be reminded of what happened again. There's more to it than just what I've said here but I don't wanna talk about it. But basically I do understand being in a clique and defending your friends when people complain about them excluding other people but when I did that I had it thrown in my face so it's not worth it.
I did later get back into roleplaying with a canon character from Ever After High but I stopped that after a while without any drama to go with it. This was with another group of people who weren't cliquey cuz after I started that drama ppl in the clique stopped roleplaying and new people came into the scene.
But anyway later I tried roleplaying in the Ratchet and Clank community. I played Courtney Gears and it was super fun. I didn't really roleplay her for that long though, because I took a long break and came back with an original character, because I wanted to wait until the Ratchet and Clank movie came out before roleplaying Courtney Gears again. I really wish I hadn't come back, because hoooly shittake mushrooms. What happened in this community was so much worse than what happened with Ever After High.
So the Ratchet and Clank RP community had their own bullshit clique. They were mostly playing OCs, but they'd be super critical of newcomers OCs? Like omg, we're independant RPers, if you don't like someone's OC just don't RP with them you don't need to be bitchy about it. But whatever, I was following two of them and they were following me. They didn't wanna RP with me but that's whatever. So I was a bit bored of how empty my blog was and started reblogging some posts that like, my character would reblog if he had a blog I guess. Some of it was NSFW. I made sure to tag it appropriately, like it says in my rules page, so people could block it if they didn't wanna see it.
So I noticed that one of those two girl's blogs wasn't showing up on my dash, even though I could see they were roleplaying with other people I was following? So I went to their blog to see what was going on, right. Turned out they blocked me, without telling me why. I didn't understand at the time that it was because I reblogged some NSFW art that they got triggered by. So I went into a guilt spiral and had a panic attack because I didn't understand what I'd done wrong. It really upset me, okay? So I made some posts on my blog venting about it. And when some people came to my inbox to ask about what was going on, I told them about it.
So the other person I was following comes into my inbox the next day to tell me in this rude way that she blocked me because of the NSFW art. I don't remember exactly how I replied, basically I said that I didn't understand because I'd tagged it, and that she could have just unfollowed me instead of blocking me and making me think I'd done something bad? And then she got mad at me because I'd upset her friend and now I was 'making a big deal out of it' and being 'passive-aggressive'. Like... I'm mentally ill. I have breakdowns and freak out when I think people hate me. It's not being 'passive-aggressive' it's me being sensitive and hurt.
Anyway everyone in that clique then starting making vague posts about me and spreading them around. They even posted stuff in the main #ratchet and clank tag in order to draw attention to the drama? WTF? It was so fucking awful and rude like they couldn't have just moved on and left me alone they had to try and drive me out of my own fandom. I did stay because there were some roleplayers that weren't in their clique that still wanted to RP with me, but I eventually had to leave because I kept seeing these assholes on my dashboard because everyone else kept RPing with them. I don't want to control who my friends are friends with or anything but it just really upset me so I had to leave.
I made another post about them on my personal blog, basically saying that I didn't want to see them on my dash anymore. This was after having some private conversations with other people who agreed with me right? I asked people who were still going to be friends with them and reblog posts from them to unfollow me and send me an ask so I could unfollow them too, no hard feelings. Every one of them aside from one person unfollowed me without telling me like I'd asked them to. Even the people who'd said they agreed with me via ask and that they wished they'd leave the fandom? Cool.
I also got attacked for the post I'd made by one of their friends. And it just really put things into perspective about how they've got all these friends who'll stand by them and defend them even when they do cruel shit and literally tell me to kill myself, while I have nobody. I've got people who say they support me but they're all gone when they have to choose between them or me. Cool.
Yeah so I'm pretty bitter about that. I really want to get back into RPing, but everywhere I look I see more of these cliques? I really love Life is Strange at the moment and would love to RP as Brooke or Nathan, but I heard that on Tumblr there's this awful clique that bullied someone into a suicide attempt and I don't know if that's true but even if it isn't it scares me. Like is it really that hard to find people to write with without bullshit happening...
